Review: Penelope (Mark Palansky, 2006)

Nice little movie this is. Another modern day take on a traditional fairy tale given that extra coolness from brilliant performances, good humour and a wonderful script. Christina Ricci plays Penelope, cursed with a pig's nose for eternity unless she finds someone of her own kind who loves her for what she is. Forced to stay only within her home as she is deemed too "ugly" to be seen outside, she must find her true love through carefully arranged visits from suitable suitors of a similar heritage. Cue some hilarious mishaps and incidents which the rebellious Penelope has to deal with in order to be free and live her life normally as she is, regardless what the world thinks of her.

Performances here are nice from a whole host of British and American actors (like Stardust, this film as loads of cameos from well known British celebrities, try to spot them all!). Catherine O' Hara is wonderfully manic (as per usual!) as Penelope's mother as is Richard E Grant, playing her father. Reese Witherspoon, who produced the movie, is also good as an outspoken biker chick who befriends Penelope in the outside world, as is James Mcavoy who plays the eventual Prince Charnimg in this story. Mcavoy, like Grant and many of the other British actors, sports an American accent here to give it a pseudo Brit-US "fusion" feel.( the movie, it seems, was shot in what looks like London's Notting Hill "jazzed up" to make look Americany-Englishy to give it a very interesting and magical look).

A nice little warm movie with a simple moral and good intentions at it's heart. I thought it was pretty good.

Verdict: Sweet warm fun. 7/10

Review: Bee Movie (Steve Hickner, Simon J. Smith, 2007)

Another CGI movie, this time by Dreamworks SKG, makers of Shrek and Madagascar. Yes there are lots of them and they do seem quite repetitive, this one however is actually pretty good, and plays of more like one long joke than anything else, and deservedly so as it is conceived and penned by the comedic genius that is Jerry Seinfeld.

Seinfeld plays Barry B Benson, a Bee in a hard working Bee society (which is typically unoriginal, yet again being American working life/suburbia in animal form, in this case Bees) who breaks free from his own world and ventures into the human world, only to discover his species' hard work at making honey is being exploited at the hands of greedy corporations. Befriending a kooky florist called Vanessa (voiced by René Zellwegger) they join forces to try and overcome the total disregard against nature and sue the corporations of their infringement which Barry calls "stealing", as well as to teach the world more about bees and get rid of common misconceptions (bees are friendly insects and will not hurt anyone, it's the wasps that are the evil ones that give them a bad name)! Part satire, part social commentary on the legal system as well as just being plain silly, zany and always consistently funny, this is essentially Seinfeld playing himself in his own show in animated form.

Visuals and animation here are grand (Dreamworks explains in the making-of documentary that there are more things going on here than all the Shrek films), dialogue is funny for the most part as is the voice acting as Zellwegger and Seinfeld are essentially playing themselves, as is Mathew Broderick who plays Barry's law-abiding Bee buddy. The stand out voice talent here, for me at least, is Patrick Warburton who plays Vanessa's almost psychotic friend- everything he said (or rather yelled, as that's all he does) just made me laugh out loud. An extra special mention must go to Chris Rock who is a brief but worthy addition and has some choice hilarious lines. Other honourable voice talents in this movie worthy of a mention are Sting, Kathy Bates, Megan Mullaly and Ray Liotta in an almost insane role playing himself- but still really funny.

A simple yet very entertaining story where young kids can also learn a whole lot from- there's stuff in here for literally everybody. Whilst not as polished or exquisite as a Disney Pixar movie, this is still good clean honest fun for the whole family. I may have rated Ratatouille low too but that movie is actually better than this, I just found this one to be less heavy on the deep morals and just straight to the point fun light entertainment. It's not original in any way but it is good at what it does. Funny, silly, even intelligent and informative- it's Seinfeld the animated movie and that's not a bad thing whatsoever.

Verdict: Good, zany, satirical fun. 6/10

Come Forth the Fourth

When I first heard about Jurassic Park 4, I absolutely hated the thought of it and rebuked the idea, completely. "Why another one?", "They are milking the franchise!", "It's going to be rubbish.", "They've done all they can!" and so on. I got into a lot of arguments in forums becuase I was set against the production of another 'Jurassic' film and felt the JP movies should stop because it's time was over as it was now all about people running away from dinosaurs - the same old thing over and over agian.

But over the years I have learnt that this is not just any old sequel. That this will be something special- they are taking the time and effort to put passion into it, or they would have made it already and we would have forgotten about it. If they wanted to, they would have already made JP4 , and it would have been sub-standard quality. The fact that Spielberg and Universal keep postponing it and asking for script re-writes is a clear indication that they want JP4 to be original, new, fresh and a great comeback for the series, and I am hoping they will deliver. The longer we have to wait, the better it should be becuase as they are producing it for quality and content rather than financial returns (though I am sure that features, considerably, in their mindsets).

The world's fascination with dinosaurs will never end, and Jurassic Park is the only contemporay movie franchise which brings us what we love about the creatures. No other movie series has captured the public's ever-increasing interest with dinosaurs and the prehistoric age, and JP continues to uphold and improve our knowledge of these beasts, both entertaining immensly and educating us at the same time like no other film. It revoloutioned the concepts and ideas of paleontological and scientific discovery and bought something new to the table, as well as revoloutionising cinema, artistry, design and CGI technology.

The JP franchise isn't forever ruined after some not-so-good sequels either, never will be. You can say what you want about the TLW/ JP3 but they still made a ton of money and were very successful. Merchandise, DVD sales, the Universal Studios attraction etc has also been largly succesful and at the end of the day the films bring awareness about dinosaurs, paleontology and scientific education which children and adults alike never tire of. Gather that the films also have loveable characters and interesting storylines (however bad) still make the JP films the forefront of dinosaur entertainment, and nothing else can touch that. Just as when one thinks of space adventure they instantly think of Star Wars, here it's think dinosaurs, think Jurassic Park. It's as simple as that.

Jurassic Park is not relegated to only 1990s cinema either as dinosaurs are creatures that no-one will ever tire of, and whilst the premise may be a bit old-fahioned it still entertains immensly. Dinosaur adventure movies have been around since the dawn of cinema and have continued to be in our presense for decades! Until they can really be cloned and are live and breathing for us to see dinosaurs will still always capture the hearts and minds of childrean and adults, and Jurassic Park will always be our awe-inspiring cinematic escapist route to the world of these fascinating animals which no-one else can do. When the world's fascination with dinosaurs ends, then the JP movies will die. And that won't be happening for a very long time, if ever becuase everyone loves dinosaurs.

So the years have gone by and still no news, and i understand now that they wanted to nail it perfectly, so i am starting to appreciate them becuase of that. And slowly i've become the biggest supporter of JP4, because i know this is going to be a special movie for the fans, and in know they don't want to dissapoint us. We fans have grown as a community and Spielberg knows this- so i had to give him that credit for aknowledging us. He knows that JP is still the pinnacle in dinosaur action adventure and a lot more can be done with it, and they want to get it right this time. We have expectations and they don't want to dissapoint us, and Spielberg has already said specifically that this will be a film worth waiting for. If it was just another movie in a tired series then it would be, but all the facts so far have pointed that it wants to be something fresh and original; ideas have flown around everywhere and keep getting dissmissed as they are just not good enough, and frankly this attitude is needed as only the best will do. So we now that know JP4 will be a comeback for the series after the so-called "lag" after JP3 and so i have completly changed my view of it and will compeltly support the movie becuase i know deep down this isn't just a cheap and pointless sequel but the greatest comeback of the king of the dinosaur movies; and i can't wait. But i will wait becuase i know this film will be kick-ass!

This is why i will be forever supporting JP4. I say it bring becuase dinosaurs are fucking awesome, and JP always delivers the best.

Review: Blade Trinity (David S. Goyer, 2004)

After 2 excellent films, Blade 3 completely and utterly falls short. I didn't like it at all because quite frankly, it doesn't feel like a Blade movie, it doesnt sound like a Blade movie and it doesn't fit like a Blade movie. Instead of the fast paced, stylish action we have in the first 2, Trinity is just s-l-o-w, in everything, with no sense of pace or direction. The director, bless him, just can't direct. He's a great writer who served well for the first 2 films, but as we can see here he lacks vision and basic directing skills.

Dracula- nothing about him worked. I don't have a problem with him being in the movie as the first Blade comic had Dracula in it anyway so he has every right to be in the film, it's just his character in it. Terrible design, not enough motivation or character, he was just like every other vampire we have seen, there was nothing about him whatsoever to make him all powerful uber-nasty. Wrong choice of actor to play him too- i think Dominic Purcell is great, but he's not suited to play the Prince of Darkness whatsoever. It's just a forgettable portrayal, and by the end it just looks like a B-movie monster suit.

The crappy humour lets the movie down- there is just no need for it at all, yet we are plagued by it all the time. Renold's character spouting crap, Triple H spouting his crap, hell even the cops do it. The dialogue between Danica and Renolds is just cringe worthy and completely screws with the whole credibility of the film- we just don't take it seriously.

Editing- there's a severe lack of it. Everything just moves too slowly, even the fight sequences aren't fast and frantic, it's like all they do is film someone throw a few punches and slap some faux-pas "techno" music over it to make it look cool, when it doesn't work like that at all. There was a complete lack of proper martial arts choreography in this movie, and when compared to the ultra-stylised kinetic ass-kicking of the first two films, you can see why Trinity completely falls short. It's just not exciting. The talking sequences are even longer- Goyer keeps the camera too long on people, there's no sense of pacing, it's like he want us to show everything going on but dwell on each little thing a bit longer just in case we miss it. It gets long and monotonous to sit there, it's like we are waiting and waiting, there really needed to be a stopwatch in place when editing because everything is just too slow for a Blade movie.

The music is another factor. I think the hip-hop beats provided by the RZA was horrendous. It's not that i hate hip-hop music (which i do) its the fact that here it just wasn't good enough; the lyrics were dire and mostly ridiculous (i remember one song where he just repeats the word "blood" all the time) but the music itself had no power to it, no style; just generic "beats" and poor attempts at techno in the fight scenes. There was no style to any of the music, and again compare the music to the first 2 films (Danny Sabre and Marco Beltrami) it's all orchestral fused with stylised techno, different and original; in Trinity it's nothing like that- more simple and amateur, lacking any motifs that would make it stand out.

Jessica Biel, Renolds- the whole Nightstalkers thing: not needed. It was fresh and new once, but by Blade 3, tech-heavy team vampire slayers just gets old, tired, dated and severely cliché. The geek with all the technobabble, the cool young scientist who knows everything about DNA and gene-splicing, the martial-arts girl...i'm sorry, it's just too boring, we've all seen it a hundred times before. Blade works alone and we assume he's the only guy with the gadgets to take vampires down- he has no need for other people to help him, or sidekicks for that matter, no other people should be introduced to rival him.

Danica Talos and all her cronies- really really bad. Instead of being evil villains, they turned out to be annoying, irritating and by the end a complete joke; merely there for the other characters to make fun out of (which they all did). Parker Posey and Triple H just didn't add anything new to the table. She's the wise-ass bitch, Triple H is the meathead grunt. Again, it's boring, dated and cliché, nothing threatening about them either considering they always get their asses kicked.

There's a lot of other stuff too which i can't remember right now, but yeah- the film is just a long, slooow mess of things. Goyer can write well, he just can't direct, and this is where most of the problems are. They should have got someone else, and i'm sure it would have been a lot better. Even if Snipes gave it a go, he would have done a better job.

At is stands, it's the worst of the trilogy and a complete waste of a premise- it was simply not needed at all, and it tarnishes the quality of the series- Blade would have been an excellent trilogy had it not been for Trinity. Oh well.

Verdict: A slow and monotonous chore. 2/10

Review: Hoodwinked! (Cory Edwards, Todd Edwards,Tony Leech, 2005)

Taking it's cue from "Little Red Riding Hood", Hoodwinked! turns the story upside down as it applies real-world ethics, archetypes and rules to the scenario; Red Riding Hood calls for a lawyer against the Wolf for possible harassment over her and her Grandma, The Big Bad Wolf claims he was framed and is merely a simple journalist disguised as Grandma to get information on a possible saboteur of the town, Grandma insists she's not supposed to even be at her home at that time and the Woodcutter is confused over just about everything including his presence at the scene and in the movie. All this confusion then leads to a crime-solving mystery as the inhabitants learn there's something else far more sinister at work here than meets the eye, and it will take all of them to work together to discover the real culprit of the infamous tale. Intrigued? I hope so, because i certainly wasn't. Whilst it sounds fantastic on paper, the end result is largely unfulfilled.

Animation and character designs here are awful but that's not what the film's aim was. The goal was instead to create an original and satirical comedy using simplistic character design that epitomise their literature counterparts to lead the viewer into thinking it's a simple kid's movie/retelling of the traditional story when in actual fact the style, the character's attitudes, personality and motives turn out to be radical and unexpected to throw us intentionally. "What you think you are watching your'e not" is the film's main motto, "Forget what you've seen, and what you think you know" best describes the pitch of the film .Unfortunately, in my honest opinion, it just couldn't manage it. Not by a long shot.

An interesting and what should be a fun and satirical concept which the Shrek films touch upon lightly, and whilst Hoodwinked! is a full-fledged CG animated feature based on this idea i felt the Shrek movies do it justice a whole lot better. I was immensely bored whilst watching this film, more so than i ever have been in a while. The film was so bad in its executions that there was literally nothing in it to keep me up except to try and find something to like in the dialogue and voice acting. Typically in an animated movie these days there's your usual roster of Hollywood celebrities providing the voices and here we have Anne Hathaway, Glen Close and James Belushi all in instantly forgettable roles. None of them did anything memorable and it seemed they were only half interested too.

The only voices worth mentioning here are Patrick Warburton as The Wolf (though nowhere near as good a performance as his from Bee Movie) and Andy Dick who's basically playing himself as Boingo the Bunny; annoying and camp which i always find funny. Original songs sung by the cast (and there's a fair few of them) are also horrendous and horrible, they try to be random, funny and silly but are irritating with no comedic value whatsoever. There's nothing in this film that is original, despite the concept. It tried too hard to be funny when it wasn't, it tried too hard to be original and it wasn't, it tried too hard to be wacky, zany and crazy in its lunacy that it just became embarrassing to watch. There is no sense of comic timing here either, jokes are thrown at you demanding you laugh at them, and it got to the point that i just wanted to turn the film off. It gets to the point where a simple knock-knock joke would be hard for them to tell as they would over-do it with a song and dance number thus taking it out of context, just to make it more entertaining; more excruciating more like. Simple fact is the people who made this film just didn't know how to tell jokes.

I don't care about badly designed and animated visuals, as long as everything else works, but nothing else did here. If the animation is terrible then it's the ideas, comedy and dialogue which have to be the strong aspects. Whilst Hoodwinked's aim was this, it just couldn't pull it off. Looking at the documentary, i learned that the creators didn't want to have the best animation in the world, they just wanted to showcase their "original and funny" ideas. Well, it helps if you have talent first. And be funny.

Sad to say, this is one of the worst animated films i've seen in recent years. I guess iv'e just seen too many comedies/animation to see anything good in this. I recommend South Park if you want something similar yet better. It's badly animated sure, but at least it's consistently competent in its ideas and humour.

Kudos for the creators for trying to do something different, funny and original, it's just that they needed to be different, funny and original in the first place; and silly voices and stupid songs aren't. Instantly forgettable and a waste of time

Verdict: Original in its concept, disastrous in it's execution. 4/10