Review: The Witches (Nicolas Roeg, 1990)

Wonderfully charming children's fantasy film, a true classic! 

I used to love this film as a child and even watching it as an adult it's even better. This is fine children's filmmaking at it's very best and I can easily say that it's one of the best live action adaptations of a classic story ever done.

Nicolas Roeg directs Roald Dahl's classic novel "The Witches" and brings it to life on the screen with a superb sense of magic, wit and wonder, something that is sadly missing from children's films these days. The film begins in Norway as Helga Eveshim (brilliantly played by Mai Zetterling) warns her young grandson Luke (newcomer Jasen Fisher) about the secret world of witches- who they are, what they do, how you can spot them and how you can avoid them. Cut to England where Helga and Luke are on a break in a seaside Cornwall hotel, where unfortunately a slew of England's witches decide to hold an annual meeting at the very same place, led by "The Grand High Witch"; leader of all the witches of all the world, played to supreme perfection by Angelica Huston. There Luke and Helga learn of their secret plans for world domination, and as Luke is forcibly turned into a mouse by the Grand High Witch herself, it's up to Luke and his grandma to stop them before they can do any more damage! I simply love this film. As a child it's fantastic because of the sheer amount of creativity put into it, from amazing special effects courtesy of Jim Henson and his Creature Workshop, to inspired performances (especially by Anjelica Huston who completely steals the show with her fantastic portrayal of the witch leader), to hilarious acts of sheer quirky and black comedy, as well as featuring a fine cast of well known British actors; if you're familiar with them then it's a joy to spot them all as they are all great in their roles (such top quality personas such as Rowan Atkinson, Jane Horrocks, Bill Paterson and even a small appearance by Roberta Taylor (later known by her inclusion in Eastenders and The Bill) are all a joy to watch. That's also another good thing about this film- it's a British production, so it very much has that quaint charm of being English (which can be seen in the Harry Potter films as well), and that again makes it stand out from the crowd.

The make-up effects are truly fantastic and very much one of the strongest aspects of the film, there's a whole host of SFX seen in this film and it all looks amazing. There's a particularly horrific transformation sequence where Anjelica Huston turns into what seems a monster, and the make-up is not only terrifyingly scary, but brilliant to see; especially since she's still acting underneath. As Luke turns into a mouse we are again treated to more amazing transformation effects, all practical and done in camera- no trickery and definitely no CGI or animation of any sort! And none of it has aged badly at all! And when Luke is a mouse we then get a cute mouse puppet that talks, and it just looks authentic and just works. All of these effects are shot in a great way so it all works and none looks fake or bad. This is the kind of example which just shows that practical old skool effects will always win me over CGI because everything here just looks real and is believable, and another reason why this film excels. Bravo to Jim Henson and the team once again. Outstanding technical achievements that look great and nothing like films these days, which is an awesome charm.

We also get a magical score by Stanley Myers that captures the essence of Roald Dahl's style and it's a joy to listen to.

My only gripes with the film are that some of the directing is very offputting and amateur- the camera-work leaves a lot to be desired at times, Roegg loves to zoom in and out all the time and even go hand-held and this greatly cheapens the aspect of the film as it then looks very amateurish. There's also a lack of proper lighting in the film, most of the look seems bland and grey and makes it look a tad dated (especially as it was filmed in England with it's bad weather, the colour tone is very bleak), and so some lighting or even colour grading would have greatly enhanced the film's visuals and give it an extra heightened mood (the unveiling of the Grand High Witch's true form could have been better with desired lighting). Still, a small price to pay for what it a great film, i wish the camera-work was better but it still captures the magic on offer.

Other than these small trivial issues, i had a blast with this film; both as a child and as an adult revisiting it many years later. This is a great children's film- funny, charming, brilliantly executed and even disturbingly scary at times- and you can't have a good family film without some scares and this does it all. Absolutely essential viewing for all the family and definitely one of the best of it's genre- a true classic that has become even better in time and a pinnacle in live action children's fantasy entertainment! 

9/10

Review: The Other End of the Line (James Dodson, 2008)

Sweet little film, if a tad predictable

 I really wasn't expecting much from the film (people who had already seen it said it wasn't that great) so I had low expectations, but as I got into it I thought it was better than average. It's a simple story- a telephone admin caller in India called Priya falls secretly in love with a client of hers, Granger Woodruff, who is based in the US, (both played wonderfully by Shriya Saran and a passionate and enthusiastic Jesse Metcalfe). The catch is that Priya is playing the part of an American girl called Jessica in San Francisco for the role of her telephone job, and Granger does not know she has fallen for him, that she is even Indian or is calling from Mumbai.

The fateful day occurs when Granger is scheduled to be in San Fransico as part of his job, and asks "Jessica" to meet him there to sort out his bank troubles. What then follows is a series of trials and tribulations- should Priya follow her heart and go and see him in the US, or forget about it, shrug it off as a teenage crush and stay at home and be the traditional Indian girl, ready to be engaged in an arrangement she has no feelings for just to please her family? Being her dreamer and inquisitive self, she decides to go, but under the disguise of her real self, "Priya"- whilst Granger is oblivious to the fact that the girl he has just met by accident is not just a random Indian girl on holiday, but the very girl he has been speaking to on the phone. As time goes on and Priya hides her secret identity as "Jessica", they fall for each other, but the secret has to come out one way or another, as does the reality of the situation; the fact that both are committed into an arrangement with their other half's, and Priya also has her family to deal with, who are busy trying to get to the US to find her. Priya must decide what she wants to do with her life, as does Granger, and decide fast before time runs out and Priya's bumbling parents get there and take her away back to India for her engagement.

It's an enjoyable and entertaining film that ticks all the right boxes for being a feel-good rom com, but I thought it was a lot better than most in the genre because it doesn't get too bogged down with typical clichés. It's about two cultures getting together, and whilst this has been done before plenty of times and usually it's always the same kind of thing in films like this, this film moves completely away from that and really focuses on the characters themselves, which is really where it is better than most; both Priya and Granger are very passionate about their jobs and love to make people happy and this is where they ultimately connect, it's not really about where they are both from, but who they are as individuals. When it does get down to cultural differences it only shows what counts- in that it talks about traditional Indian values of valuing your parents and your duties in obeying them rather than doing what you want to do, and as we see it's not always that simple when you want to follow your heart and want to do what makes you happy. I thought the film was good at showing this and I appreciate that when it could have easily gone off into a generic culture clash comedy. The film is not without it's flaws of course, there are some weak moments such as character inconsistencies but they are forgiven, the film is light hearted entertainment at heart which surprisingly has some depth in it, and I feel that you should leave all expectations out the window when you watch it and just enjoy it for what it is. It's wonderfully directed with some great scenery of San Francisco and Mumbai, some great performances from Jesse Metcalfe and Shriya Saran (and even Bollywood legends like Anupam Kher playing Shriya's father), some nice humour and overall it has a strong meaning underneath it's simple romantic exterior which deals with a simple but important question- what would you do for love, no matter how far away you are and where you are from?

I give it 7/10 for a simple little fun film. It is predictable in parts but what the hell, it's a rom-com, and that is what I enjoy in them. Except this one was much better than average. Give it a shot and you'll be pleasantly surprised!

Review: Conan the Barbarian (John Milius, 1982)

Simply put, one of the greatest fantasy epics ever put to screen

Classic fantasy at it's very best. Arnold Schwarzenegger owns the role that made him a superstar- Conan, warrior of Cimmeria and king of Aquilonia comes to life in the best adaptation of Robert E Howard's pulp fantasy hero ever done. This is brutal, epic fantasy how it should be and what I grew up with- old-skool good vs evil with muscle-bound warriors on the battle-field, sexy scantily clad women with long hair flowing and evil monsters and villains scrambling for domination in an orgy of violence and bloodshed.

The music is pulse-poundingly powerful and awe-inspiring by the late, great Basil Poledouris, with possibly his most memorable and best score to date- it literally drives the show and is the strongest aspect of the film. The visuals and imagery are dark and brooding and the atmosphere is terrific, the world of Hyboria is realistically grounded with meticulous detail making it all look believable, and although there is quite little action here (but what action there is is pure gutsy hardcore swordplay), it makes up for it with grand storytelling as it introduces us to a dark and savage world of swords and sorcery. Oliver Stone helps write a decent script with deep dialogue and interesting, lovable characters. James Earl Jones is the villain of the piece in what i believe his greatest role as a villain ever (yes, even better than Darth Vader), here he is captivatingly seductive yet frighteningly terrifying as he plays Thulsa Doom, the leader of a demonic snake cult that is taking over the land. And of course we have the legendary Arnie who is brilliant as the hero who we follow from childhood through to his rise from slave, to thief, to warrior and finally king. Never has a role been so better casted, his presence rules all and he truly shines.

Alongside Arnie we have brilliant co-stars such as Sandahl Bergman as Valeria, equally powerful and beautiful as a warrior thief and love interest; a true "Valkyrie" if cinema ever saw one, Max Von Sydow as a withered King who is in desperate need of help, Gerry Lopez as Conan's partner in adventure and Mako as Akiro, who acts as both the narrator to the piece and wizard in the story.

All in all this is epic fantasy filmmaking at it's best and amongst the very best you will find in the genre- one of the greatest sword/sandals and sorcery adventures you will ever see, if not ever made. A sheer classic that i really can't fault in any way whatsoever- this does everything you expect it and is surprisingly more well done that you expect it to- it's more than just dumb macho fun- it's also quite deep and philosophical where it counts. Stands proud alongside the other great masterpieces of the genre.

10/10

Review: Cobra (George P. Cosmatos, 1986)

Underrated 80s action fun

"Crime is a disease...meet the cure"

I just saw this for the first time today- wow! I had so much damn fun with this flick! It's total badassery from the get go, which starts off with a very cool and stylish opening title. From here on in it's classic 80s action all the way with Stallone playing "Cobra" Cobretti of the "Zombie Squad"- a hard-as-nails cop who is the only one to call to take on the jobs no-one else will do. He's like a slick mix between The Punisher, Dirty Harry and Judge Dredd- donning his aviator shades, toothpick in mouth and fed up with crime, he'll do anything it takes to get the job done- and that usually involves putting shooting the sh!t out of the punks that are the cause of it all with a typically badass "shoot first, ask questions later" attitude. But underneath the hard exterior, he's a likable guy with a dry wit and everyday man sense of humour.

Cobra is enlisted with the other police to try and crack down on on some seemingly random female killings, but when a young model (Bridgette Neilsen) survives the onslaught of the villain dubbed by police as "the Night Slasher" and becomes the one and only witness, Cobra is sent to protect her, hoping as well that she will be the only key to finding the murderers as they try all it takes to come after her again and silence her for good. But not while Cobra is there- nothing will stand in his way to deliver his own brand of justice! This movie is truly a nostalgic gem of an 80s action film. It has everything in this to please fans of the genre- from psycho bad guys (here played by Brian Thompson as "The Night Slasher"- leader of a group of hardened knuckleheads hell bent on spreading their "new world order" of crime, first by killing the weak, helpless women of LA), to awesome action scenes including a fantastic car chase, explosive shoot outs, a terrific hand-to hand and hand-to-knife bare knuckle fighting, to fun one liners, all on top of brilliantly foreboding electronic style musical score (as well as heavy 80s pop tunes) It even has essences of James Cameron's "The Terminator" in it. It pretty much ticks everything it sets out to do and is the epitome of 80s action. Just what the doctor ordered.

My only gripes with the film are, well...zero! It's just pure old school fun from start to finish. Okay if I had a gripe, it would be that the UK version of the film cuts out a 3 second scene of Stallone giving a great one liner: "You have the right to remain silent" as he burns a guy to death) (why this was cut out i'll never know, especially since they show the scene of the guy getting burnt), but that's the BBFC's fault, not the film.

Otherwise- it's a truly underrated film (no idea why it flopped in cinemas when it as first released). It is an adaptation of the Paula Gosling novel "Fair Game" (which was later remade as Fair Game in 1995 with William Baldwin and Cindy Crawford), I haven't seen that, but i had one hell of a time with this one! Highly recommended for all action fans and all 80s junkies. On top of Rocky and Rambo, Stallone makes another iconic and lovable hero as Cobra. I only wish this was successful enough to warrant more sequels, but as it is- it's awesome. Film wise i'd rate it an 8/10 but really and truly it's warranting of a 9, even a 10- simply because they just don't make them like this anymore. I actually found this movie better than a load of action films in this present day. True, classic old school 80s action. Loved it.

9/10

Review: Hiruko the Goblin (Shinya Tsukamoto, 1991)

Gory Japanese creature antics with an old-skool flavour . Flawed, but fun.

Shinya Tsukamato (writer/director of the cult Tetsuo: The Iron Man) returns to the horror genre but this time, instead of doing something experimental and "out there" like Tetsuo, decides to adapt and direct a much more mainstream tale of horror. Based on the novel by Daijiro Moroboshi, the story is of a rural Japanese school in the middle of lush green fields which houses an underground lair home to seemingly thousands of "Hiruko"- which are, literally, small spider-like arachnids with heads of either their previous victims or their original alien forms. Sealed away by the spells of old Gods and legends, they are unwittingly unleashed by an archaeologist excavating the area. As a teacher and his student (played by Naoto Takenaka and Megumi Ueno) go missing within the area, crack goblin hunter Reijiro Hieda (Kenji Sawada) is called upon the site to deal with the shenanigans, who along the way meets Masao (Masaki Kudou), who is also there as he searches for his father who has mysteriously vanished there. Cue some monster-fighting fun as the two discover they are dealing with more than they bargained for, and with the help of Heida's home-made monster-busting tools and traps as well as the school's janitor Watanabe (Hideo Murota) who knows the truth, they plan to end this onslaught attack of spider-like creatures who enjoy stealing the heads of their victims.

The film has a great look with excellent colour and lighting. It also houses some pretty cool special effects in the form of severed heads, animatronic spider-like creatures (most of which sprout from these heads) and some use of stop-motion animation- so all in all, if you love low budget vintage horror (especially from the 80s), then you will definitely find something to like about this film. Tsukamoto was definitely inspired by the likes of Sam Raimi and John Carpenter and the influence shows as their fingerprints are rife throughout- the way scenes are shot, the style, the camera angles, how the monsters look and such, are all heavily inspired by films like The Evil Dead (1981), Evil Dead 2 (1987) and The Thing (1982), it even has essences of the oddball antics of Ghostbusters (1984) and even James Cameron's The Abyss (1989) in there too (Tsukamoto was already inspired by Cameron's The Terminator (1984) with his previous work of man and machine techno-bio-fusion). The story is also quite interesting as it heavily uses lots of traditional Japanese folktale lore, which to me was cool as it gives it it's own unique slant against other films, though the execution is rather dull at times. The acting by the cast is fine and they all do their job well. The music is also fantastically 80s- some cool electronic/synth beats, again inspired by Carpenter, but used to equally great effect. The charm of the film is because it's so retro, and that's what makes it fun.

The film's weak points are that it tends to drag on a bit and might be a bit boring (and confusing) in parts as the film takes some long breaks in between the action. There is also an ending which was quite cringe worthy (it had the intention of being sweet but came off as cheesy because it takes itself too seriously and, with age, hasn't fared well with it's use of effects, even though the rest of the film is solid in it's use of old-skool SFX).

Other than that, it's decent 80s creature feature schlock which delivers on some bloody gore and carnage, cool monsters, fun SFX and a cool style/atmosphere that is as good as the directors and movies it was inspired from, just don't expect too much and you'll have a blast with it, it's definitely got some creative ideas in there to make it worth a watch at least once. Definitely not up there with the best of Tsukamoto's work, but a decent enough effort for his first mainstream feature.

6/10